Master (BDSM) - Personal Experiences
I've been asked at times what I get out of being a dominant, or out of being in a dominant position over my partner. It's not easy to get it all across because to some extent it's like explaining sex to a virgin but I'll try here, from a personal perspective. This is the first entry on this page: do not take this as representative or typical.
On the surface level, there are some obvious things I enjoy:
- having the power to command - this reflects in so many ways and because I am responsible about it, makes life so smooth for everyone in the household;
- the thrilling obedience that is offered willingly;
- the sub's eagerness to serve - this goes far beyond a mere willingness to obey;
- the adoration (I should be so lucky ;-) ) of the one I command;
- the level of trust that builds up and is, I feel, only possible in this kind of relationship.
Being dominant isn't just about authority - those who think it is typically get labelled 'abusive', 'arrogant' and the like and won't hold down a relationship with anyone other than a doormat. With authority must come equal responsibility. I like to have responsibility. Not that I can't load plenty on my head any time I want but that authority/responsibility over a person whom I help to develop, improve, serve me and satisfy me, satisfies something deep inside of me. It might be akin to the feeling of parenting but has a sexual/sensual basis.
I might be considered by some vanilla women to be a control freak but for me, it's about much more than giving orders (instructions/requests, call them what you will), which of course I will do. My domination tends to be quite subtle and training takes a time because I am far more interested in delving into my girl's head, affecting her belief patterns so that she changes her behaviour, rather than only ordering her to change her behaviour, without understanding what she is thinking or feeling. If you don't intuitively understand any of this, don't forget that it is all consensual: she is knowingly and willingly partaking in the process and will understand that I do not intend any harm. That's why I usually seek for a girl wanting to be a slave (I'm single at the time of writing): I don't want any restriction to my access to her mind. Yes, you read right - it's not just her body I want :)
--Interesdom 15:26, 16 Apr 2005 (BST)