Advice: Submissives

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You should not read this hoping to find out what it is you like. You can read, and find yourself thinking "that sounds good" or "I don't think I'd like that", but always try to keep an open mind as something that sounds good may not turn out to be, and something you don't think you'd like al all might get a strong inner response from you that you have no idea about as yet.

You are going to have to meet real people and interact with them (perhaps playing), but make sure you read about BDSM, or ask, how to do this safely before doing so. Whilst playing, it is true that the Dominant is formally responsible for your safety and condition, but no one could ever do so without information and you are fully responsible for providing that. Learn about SSC and RACK. Know what a Munch is. Find online discussion boards that interest you.

Feeling lost is fine - this is not a cut-and-dried area to learn about, with lots of hints and views from childhood on, that merely needs to picked up. Submission is very personal, and usually involves learning things about yourself that are nothing if not surprising. It's not like learning about cycling or fishing, but more like cooking: a very general and open-to-interpretation subject, with very individual tastes, although some overall knowledge of what can work under what circumstances and what is simply impossible is very helpful.

Never fear asking questions. The only really stupid question is the one not asked.

Once you have been to a few munches, met a few people, or maybe have gone on your first date, bear the following in mind:

  1. If you haven't seen someone play, ask about them; until then don't allow the situation to move quickly until you have an adequate understanding of the person. Claims from anyone that you're 'not a true sub' unless you do <this> or <that> immediately are entirely out of line. In fact such claims are likely to be good clues to people with troubles you might do well to avoid.
  2. If you don't trust someone, don't play with them.
  3. If they appear drunk, or otherwise under substance influence, don't play.
  4. It is ok to change your mind, but you will oftne find this disconcerts others.
  5. You have the right to say 'stop', and to have it respected
  6. No-one knows better than you what you can take, though you may take some time to actually learn this.
  7. It is ok to have a friend to 'spot' you in a public scene. They can watch to check you are coping, especially if you are deep in subspace.
  8. If you are meeting someone in private, make sure you arrange a safety-call
  9. Be prepared for a really bad feeling like a drug come-down for a few days after the event. (It's called sub-drop).
  10. If you need to talk, or some comfort after the scene, ask for it. Play does not end with the last flogger strike. Nor, in many cases, does submission; it merely changes tone and mechanism.

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