Orgasm control

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Orgasm control (also known as extended orgasm) is a sexual technique involving an active partner taking control over a passive partner's orgasm. The technique can be used by anybody regardless of sexual orientation.

Typically, the active partner will give slow, gentle stimulation to the passive partner, gradually bringing them up to the point very high in the plateau phase where an orgasm is actually building, but will then reduce the level of stimulation just below that needed to trigger the orgasm. By carefully varying the intensity of stimulation, the passive partner is kept in this highly-aroused state very close to orgasm. After a while they may be allowed to fall back to recover before the technique is repeated. It can be repeated as often as desired, but after a few repeats the passive partner's urge to orgasm can become overwhelming. When the active partner eventually gives the passive partner an orgasm, the orgasm itself may be stronger than usual due to the increased tension and yearning that builds up during the extended stimulation.

The aim of orgasm control is to prolong the powerful sexual sensations that occur during the final build-up to orgasm. It is a form of negative feedback. The physical demands of being kept in this highly-excited state for a time can induce a very pleasurable, almost euphoric state in the passive partner. A caring active partner will also usually derive pleasure from witnessing his/her partner in such an excited state.

Orgasm control requires a high degree of skill on the part of the active partner, enough familiarity to be able to correctly react to their partner's responses, and to get the intensity and timing of the stimulation just right. If there is too little stimulation or if it is reduced too soon the experience is not so intense. Too much stimulation or for too long allows the passive partner to reach the 'tipping point', causing orgasm to occur too early. The real skill lies in knowing one's partner well enough to be able to keep them hovering almost on the very edge of orgasm, thereby maximizing the experience. Finally, and at a time of their choosing, the active partner once again slowly brings the other right up to the point of orgasm as before, but this time continues and/or slightly increases the stimulation for the few extra seconds needed to drive their partner into orgasm.

As the active partner needs to already be familiar with the passive partner's responses, this technique is more likely to succeed when used within fairly established relationships, rather than more casual 'one-off' encounters.

One experience of orgasm control is described in the section called "slow masturbation" in the popular book The Joy of Sex, but any method of stimulation (such as oral sex, sex toys or slow penetration) can be used by the active partner, not just manual stimulation.

The experience can be intensified by use of light bondage. The passive partner surrenders control to the active partner by removing the means to effect the orgasm themselves. Attitudes to bondage vary greatly. Some feel that for the most intense experience possible it is necessary for the passive partner to be securely tied, while for others this is unacceptable and a turnoff. Light restraint of just the passive partner's arms is one possible compromise between the desire to surrender some control and negative attitudes towards bondage.

Orgasm control differs from the BDSM practices of orgasm denial, tie and tease and tease and denial as the aim is the giving and receiving of the intensely pleasurable sensations involved, and the period of control is limited to a single encounter which ends in orgasm.

Because solo masturbation allows for precise control over the feelings and timing of stimulation, many people practice certain forms of orgasmic control by themselves. A technique known as "stop-and-go" or "edging" is where one will masturbate up until the moment before reaching the point of inevitability at which point climax results, then back down before experiencing a climax. Many report that by repeating this technique several times during a single session it will result in a stronger, more intense climax when they finally allow themselves to go "over the edge", i.e., to the point of inevitability.

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