Power exchange

Revision as of 07:54, 5 January 2008

Power exchange (also called Erotic power exchange) refers to a submissive exchanging their authority for the dominant's responsibility. This can be applied to individual scenes or to people's entire way of relating to one another. Power exchange may be applied to very specific aspects, such as lovemaking or finance, through to every part of life for a couple or poly group; it is often found in relation to BDSM but is not restricted to it.

Dynamic

On a psychological level, much BDSM "play" involves power and dominance, in particular power exchange, with one person willingly handing over personal autonomy. This can range from addressing another person as "Master" or "Mistress" for a ten-minute scene, to a witnessed, formal collaring with an agreement which governs the submissive's entire life. The latter is often referred to as TPE or Total Power Exchange or 24/7 or 24/7/365.

In "safe, sane and consensual" BDSM, power exchange is always negotiated. Before play, the participants would discuss their physical and psychological limitations, establish safewords and work out what will happen.

In most power exchange as referred to in a BDSM scene, there are limitations on the power the dominant has over the submissive, such as safewords, time limits and/or explicitly negotiated understandings of what is allowed.

According to most practitioners, the power exchange should always be negotiated. Before play, the participants discuss their physical and psychological limitations, establish safewords (words that will signal the cessation of the scene), and work out what activities they will engage in.

However, many reject extensive negotiation and eschew the use of safewords, preferring instead to accept heightened risk and facilitate a more "natural" interaction. The conflict between the need for risk and the need for limitations and safety is at the heart of the SSC and RACK controversies.

When power exchange becomes 'total'

Power Exchange exists when a submissive willingly gives responsibility of certain aspects of their lifestyle to a Dominant. In its most basic level, this would pertain specifically to scenes and S/m activities specifically designed to express this power exchange to each other. Its highest level is generally referred to as Total Power Exchange, or TPE. In this case, and subject to the interpretation of each partner, all or most responsibilities and decisions within predefined and negotiated limits are given from the submissive to the Dominant. TPE takes place most often in a Master/slave relationship.

In BDSM, the term Power Exchange is associated with a submissive exchanging his/her authority to make decisions, whether just for a scene (Power Exchange), or for his/her entire life (TPE), for the Dominant's agreement to take responsibility for his/her happiness and health.

Spontaneous Power Exchange

One person may willingly and consciously hand over personal autonomy or the power dynamic may arise between the parties in the relationship as a spontaneous result of their interpersonal chemistry, in which case no conscious decision is made. This power can manifest in an endless variety of relationship dynamics. Some of the variations include:

• addressing another person as "Master" or "Mistress" for a ten-minute scene.
• a witnessed, formal collaring with a lifelong agreement between the parties for the dominant to provide an ongoing presence in the submissive's life. See TPE. Collared slaves have responsibilities and duties that vary from the moderate to extreme micro-management.
• an agreement of service that covers the duties and responsibilities of the submissive that may or may not include a long term commitment. Some service relationships are understood to last only as long as the submissive maintains performance standards.

Types of power exchange relationships

Head of Household (HOH)

Much like the 'traditional' marriage, this is a relationship that exists in many vanilla households (think of the phrase "who wears the trousers"). It is listed on this site because a HOH relationship is consciously consensual, where many vanilla situations just evolved or are imposed by one partner on the other. (See main topic.)

Domestic Discipline (DD)

A healthy DD relationship maintains because one partner is willing to be disciplined and another is willing to discipline, where that discipline is done for the good of the other partner or the partnership itself. The purpose of this is to lessen conflict and promote harmony, mutual respect and closer 'connection' between partners. (See main topic.)

Taken In Hand (TIH)

More narrowly-focused than most types, TIH is based on a male-led, heterosexual, monogamous relationship allowing for consensual non-consent from the woman. (See main topic.)

Daddy/lil girl or Daddy Dom

A relationship dynamic where one partner takes a recognisably parental position with the other partner. There is more often a noticeable age gap in this type of relationship than in others but it is not about age - the 'Daddy' can be younger than the 'lil girl'. Confusingly, the "Daddy Dom" can be female but in most such heterosexual relationships, they refer to themselves with terms like Mummy/boy. (See main topic.)

Dominant/submissive (D/s)

By some defintions, all power exchange relationships are dominant/submissive, except those where the parties normally switch. The narrower focus of the meaning of a D/s relationship, however, is of people who acknowledge to one another that one is in a dominant position over the other. (See main topic.)

Total Power Exchange (TPE) or Absolute Power Exchange (APE)

An extreme of power exchange, often used synonymously with Master/slave. This term is more often used by those where the submissive owns property and can act in her own right but will follow all orders of the dominant. (See main topic.)

Master/slave (M/s) or Owner/Property

An extreme form of power exchange, where one partner considers themselves the property of the other, in all practicable meaning. While it is talked about a great deal, it is actually quite rare because of the high level of time commitment from the Master (owner) and the depth of dependence the slave (property) has to be prepared to accept. (See main topic.)

External links

• Dominance and submission - a Power Exchange Relationship on BBC's "Guide to Life, The Universe and Everything."
• What is EPE? at the Fetish Information Exchange.
• Abuse vs Erotic Power Exchange by The National Leather Association.