Negotiating in scene
In physical play, negotiating in scene typically consists simply of slowly moving toward more intense forms of an activity, checking in continually to see if you are approaching your limits.
In D/s, negotiation itself can be made into a scene. For example, a Dom can start out by giving the new sub a safeword, and then negotiate by interrogation. Often, the questions are ones where the mere fact of being able to ask such a question reinforces the power relationship.
Some sample questions for negotiating in scene:
- Tell me something that we can pretend is a punishment, but is actually a reward.
- I want you to name something that is within your limits, but which you don't really enjoy, and that I may use if I really want to punish you within a scene.
- What's the most submissive/masochistic thing you've ever done?
- How would you feel about me giving you orders to do something when I'm not around? (For example) Is it within your limits if I left a message on your mobile phone ordering you to masturbate to orgasm? How about if I left a message telling you that you may not masturbate at all until you see me again?