Getting Started

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This topic is intended to provide a quick introduction to those people who have very little idea of what BDSM or the fetish lifestyle is about, but who are interested in getting involved. Click on any of the links to access further information in the Wipipedia.

If you are sexually aroused by a object or objects, possibly clothing or perhaps something else turns you on, this is called a fetish and there is a list of them for your perusal in the Fetish category.

If you like the idea of being tied up (or tied down!) or like other forms of constraint, this is known as bondage, which is the 'B' in BDSM.

If you enjoy being spanked or spanking someone else, or have other interests in other forms of punishment, this is called discipline and is the 'D' in BDSM.

If you go in for heavier treatment and like to either receive or give forms of pain that will be experienced with enjoyment, this is the 'SM' at the end of BDSM and is called sadomasochism. Sadists like giving pain and masochists like receiving it; some people like both.

In the middle of BDSM is 'DS', which is short for Domination and submission and is about one person having some power over the other.

If you are concerned about anything here or anything that is being proposed to you, then you should be aware of the principle of informed consent as well as the tenets on safety such as safe, sane and consensual and risk-aware consensual kink.


Different understandings

Even if you trust your partner completely, it is worth discussing things together to make sure you mean the same things. Some people, for example, will use the word slave in a kinky, thrilling context to indicate a person who will be sexually gratifying, another may use the dictionary definition of slavery and be thinking of long-term incarceration. As another example, beware of anyone who you do not know well who says they are a sadist, because they may be interested in a spanking you, or they may be the sort of person you read about in the national news, when body parts are being discovered. Discuss things thoroughly and make sure you have reason to trust your partner.


One of the common early questions is about what the rules are for playing this game.

Many people would say that there are no rules. Some would say that this isn't a game!

Confused? It is because the fetish and BDSM lifestyle encompasses such a wide variety of people, interests and actions. This is about fulfilling or enjoying yourself without harming anyone else - so what is important is doing what is fun, or doing what is fulfilling for you.

There are some 'rules', without which you could be going outside of the fetish or BDSM lifestyle and possibly into abuse or stupidity:

There is a page explaining about some of the BDSM roles and how terms like 'sub' and 'dom' are used.

Away from the Internet

Getting off the computer and into real life is, for most people, what it is all about. Without meeting other people, interacting with them in the way that suits you best, it can all be a bit hollow.

You can search for fetish clubs near you to hang out with people who don't think you're weird at all and might well admire what you have to show.

If your taste is more along the lines of BDSM, then a munch - a normal meeting of like-minded folks - is probably more for you.

There are also fairs and events available though these are less frequent and there may not be one in your nearest city at all.

External links

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